Resolved.

I keep reading blog posts about how people don't like January, and it's made me realize that January is actually one of my favorite months. I do love September, since it contains my birthday and the weather is perfect. Come to think of it though, the main reason I love September is that beginning-of-school, fresh-start feeling--very similar to January. I love to take down the Christmas decorations and have my house feel clean and uncluttered again. I love tackling projects at a leisurely pace (this year: clean out garage so I can park in it again!...organize pantry...sew pillows for sofa, in purple and hot pink because those were the fabric scraps I had...). I even love the dead, barren look of winter trees because I know that they've shut down to rest and regenerate for the coming spring.

I can't figure out how I feel about New Year's resolutions. I like to set them, but I never have much luck with the follow-through. One thing that the past year has taught me is that for me, lasting changes happen when they're ready to happen. Like for several years now I've wanted to start baking bread instead of buying it. I never got past the first loaf, which was always a disaster. Then Eric went ahead and took the bread-baking initiative, got us all hooked, and then sort of fizzled out (at least I'm not the only one!). So I took up the reins, got good enough that I actually like the bread I make, and I don't think I bought a loaf from the store all year. But had I set a resolution not to buy bread, it might have actually prevented the change from occurring in the first place. Does that make any sense?

Another thing: exercising less. I know how crazy that sounds, but every since I can remember, I've had an unhealthy dependence on exercise. Like I couldn't go on a trip unless I knew I could run. Or I would run even when I was sick. Or the week after I'd had a baby. It was confusing because exercise is obviously a healthy habit and regular exercisers get a lot of praise from friends, family members, doctors and society in general. The problem, of course, is when it's in control of you and not the other way around. Anyway, I happened to get injured this summer and was forced to take several months off from running. The misery that caused me was enough for me to realize I needed help- which I got- and now I have a healthier relationship with exercise. No New Year's resolution could EVER have broken that compulsion. It was something that drew from and reached into almost every area of my life and was much too complex an issue to be dealt with by a simple commitment or goal.

So the best thing for me, I've decided, is to set low-stakes goals that will give me something fun to work toward, but won't sabotage the natural process of deep change and growth that always takes place when I'm doing my best to live the Gospel. Like this...

Resolved: I will concern myself more with the state of my figer- and toenails. Specifically, I will buy at least four new colors of nail polish and strive to use them regularly.

Resolved: I will make over-the-top desserts in the middle of the week, just for my family, not because someone is coming over. I will suppress my frustration when Eric finishes off the entire dessert while cleaning up the kitchen.

Resolved: I will become a night-time kitchen cleaner. There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who clean the kitchen after the kids go to sleep and then go do productive things before retiring to bed early, and those who lie around on the the couch like slugs and then get up and read blogs, watch youtube videos and eat brownie batter until all hours of the night. I'm convinced that it all hinges on the decision to clean the kitchen.

Resolved: I will take classes in things that interest me, even if they have no practical application to my roles as wife and mother- like my pottery class that starts tomorrow- woohoo!

Resolved: I will teach my boys to open the door for me.

I think I can do those things, and if not- who really cares?:)