Housebound

This being iced and snowed into our home is causing me to slowly unravel. It shines a bright light on all my weaknesses and failings. How I don't do well without little pockets of quiet time throughout my day...how I despise serving three meals a day to three children- the never ending refilling and rewashing and face-scrubbing...how guilty I feel that our generous neighbors welcome our children into their homes for entire afternoons and I'm tired of the noise and chaos after twenty minutes...

But one of my still-forming resolutions for the coming year is to spend more time in the middle. To stop saying "I always" and "you always" and say instead, "sometimes." Sometimes leaves room for the whole picture, which is the truth.

Sometimes I'm cranky with my kids and insist they finish their lunch, even when they're full, because I don't want them to come asking for food in another hour. Sometimes when they argue I pick a side and realize later that it was the wrong one and I hurt them both by trying to choose. Sometimes I get so tired of telling them to be quiet while the baby naps that I give in and let them play computer games all afternoon. Sometimes I stare at the laptop instead of playing scrabble.

But sometimes- sometimes I make chocolate chip cookies for them and sometimes I let them help. Sometimes I bear my testimony of eternal truth at family home evening. Sometimes I scratch their backs to help them fall asleep. Sometimes I let them feel the baby kick and tell them about when they were babies. Sometimes I hear them hurt each other with their words and I let it go and trust them to work it out. Sometimes I thank them for taking their dishes to the sink.

Sometimes I get it right, and someday I'll look back and be able to understand perfectly why I needed to have these weaknesses and these children. And someday the ice will melt and life will get back to normal. Please say it will.