Not calm...but bright

When I talked to my family on Christmas morning, it was 10:30 and they were just finishing opening their stockings. We, like many of you, I'm sure, had been up for hours and had already opened presents, put presents together, played with presents and eaten breakfast. Having gone to bed at 2 A.M. on Christmas Eve, Eric and I were ready for nap time. But there was bread and apple pie and cranberry sauce to make for dinner. And there were movies to watch, games to play and wrapping paper to squash into the recycling bin...so our naps were put off until the children are grown.

When Marley opened her new pink and red purse I could read her smile in an instant. It said I'm like mama now! Within minutes she had hooked it to the new toy stroller Santa had brought and was pushing her baby doll around the house with a confident air.

Brigham retreated to his bedroom to put together his new Lego ship and didn't resurface until almost 3:00 in the afternoon. We found that in his intense focus, he'd eaten nothing but a pack of gummy lifesavers all day. Eric Jr. spent most of the day bouncing his two new basketballs around the house and playing catch with his new baseball mitt.

At five o'clock we walked next door for a lovely, chaotic dinner with our neighbors and two other families. Snowflakes dusted our shoulders as we walked back home with tired, happy children.

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After a good night's sleep, I spent some time today thinking about our Christmas. Interspersed among the beautiful moments were many hours of stress, indecision and general not-being-the-mother-I-want-to-be. So here, more for my benefit than anyone else's, and in the hopes that I can do a little better next year, is my Christmas after-action review:

I decided at the last minute to help the boys make presents for each other and their sister, so they would have something other than getting to look forward to on Christmas morning. Unbeknownst to Eric and me, my cousin had taken all three children to a pottery store and had them make presents for us, which they were excited to see us open (and we were excited to receive!!). The sibling gifts, not so much. They had made them hurriedly on Christmas Eve, after being spoon-fed ideas and instructions from me. Next year I'm keeping that tradition, but will start much earlier and give them less input, so they feel like the gifts are really coming from them and are more proud and excited to give them.

We all loved our Christmas Eve dinner of cheese fondue, a tradition inherited from my mother-in-law. It's a favorite of everyone in the family, and it's special, fast and easy to make. I could maybe do without lighting the dining room table on fire for the second year in a row, but really, that table is dying a slow death anyway. And I like the kisses I get each time someone loses their bread in the pot:).

Family presents are always a quandary for me. A lot of families I know, being large, have some sort of sensible system for keeping gift-giving manageable, like drawing names, only giving to kids, etc. My extended family is just small enough for that not to work, but large enough to break my budget every year by a significant amount. This year, as in years past, I resolved to keep my shopping to a minimum and go small on gifts. And this year, as in years past, I felt a little pang on Christmas morning opening thoughtful, generous gifts and knowing that I had not quite reciprocated in kind. But a budget is a budget, and if I die trying, I'm going to learn to stick to mine! So, I decided to fix the shortage of energy and money by getting ready for next Christmas starting now. My plan is to use rainy days and the occasional family-night for projects and crafts that can double as Christmas presents. I hope this can help us all focus more on giving and showing our love to our family and friends, rather than scrambling around for gifts at the last moment. With a new baby on the way, I'm really going to have to get a jump on things, but what better time than now, when ideas of all the fun things we didn't have time to make are still fresh in our minds?

The last big change in our Christmas plans is a sad, but inevitable one. About a week ago I overheard the boys' friend ask them if they believed in Santa Claus. Brigham's response was "eh- half and half," and Eric said "I'm not sure what to believe." So we knew that Santa's days were numbered, but we decided not to broach the topic until the weather warmed up and thoughts of Christmas were far from the their minds. Then tonight at dinner, Eric turned to me and asked me directly if Santa was real. What could we do but break the news then and there? Brigham took it well, but I caught the well-disguised disappointment in Eric's eyes. I asked them when they'd started to doubt and he said about a year ago, when he realized there was no such thing as magic, reindeer couldn't fly and Santa was too fat to fit down the chimney. But I could tell that he'd held on to a tiny spark of hope until a moment before when I had stomped it out. He was quiet for a minute and then asked, "but what about the letters we get from him every year?" I croaked something about my mom sending them and then let a few tears slip out. Then everyone laughed at me and we moved on to happier subjects.

So that leads me to the next big change I want to make in the way we do Christmas. Each year I watch my kids' faces light up when they pull the wrapping paper off of their heart's desire, only to set it aside five minutes later to open the next toy, and the next. After a while they're so overwhelmed with good things that they lose their ability to appreciate them. I like the idea of Santa bringing each kid three presents: something you need, something to read and something just for fun. Then I'd like to make one gift for them and buy them one gift and let that be it. When you add in all the gifts from family and friends, plus the fun stuff in their stockings, it's more than enough. I think I'll wait a while to let them absorb the Santa thing before I lay that one on them, though.


This morning, in lieu of church (it's Georgia, and a snowflake touched the ground!), our neighbors came over and we read Luke 2 together. What stood out to me was the way in which everyone- Mary, Joseph, even the Savior himself, had to figure things out as they went along. Which is what I feel like I'm doing all the time, which is just fine.