Answered prayer

One of the things that caught my attention when I met the missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormon church) when I was sixteen was that they said I didn't have to take their word for anything. I could pray about it and God would tell me what I should do. The idea that God knew me personally and had opinions about the practical, everyday facets of my life was completely new to me. I had a few experiences after that where I knew intellectually what I should do, but needed to feel the rightness of it in my heart: Should I get baptized? Should I get married in the temple? Should I stay at home with my children?, etc. Peace and reassurance always came, though not always right away or without struggle. But when it comes to quandaries in which I'm truly unsure of what to do, I've never been able to "get an answer". I think I've just found out why.

In Church one recent Sunday we were talking about different ways to study the scriptures. My M.O. is to, as Eric says, "slog through" the Book of Mormon and Bible over and over again. One sister said that in the past she has taken a new copy of the Book of Mormon and, with a specific question or struggle in mind, written down inspiration she gets on that topic in the margins. I decided to try this method with the current bane of my existence: Eric and Brigham's messy room.

Is it me, or does every single little boy's toy have a million small pieces to it? I used to resist buying those types of toys, but then my kids developed that pesky little habit of having opinions of their own (and noticing when a toy they got for their birthday or Christmas is suddenly "missing"!). And I do love the Legos, Kinex and other toys that encourage creativity and cooperation and are not blatantly violent. The problem is that they can trash their room in about 10 minutes and it will take them an hour, with a LOT of nagging and threatening from me to clean it up. They get so overwhelmed just looking at the mess they decide that it's easier to whine and complain than to obey.

This REALLY stresses me out. Growing up my little brother, also a lover of Legos, had such a messy room that one time I trashed it because I was mad at him and he didn't even notice. For real. And although my brother grew up into a wonderful, very productive, creative and sometimes even neat adult, it's really important to me to teach my kids to take care of their things right now, and most of all to listen to me and do what I ask. Eric and I have tried everything: setting timers, taking toys away, offering rewards, even cold showers (don't recommend it). Nothing has ever worked. Every now and then I get so stressed about it that I go into their room and completely clean and organize it, which includes throwing away toys that are broken, chewed or otherwise annoying to me. Then for weeks I hear this: "Mama, where is my -----?" and I reply "Ummmmmm........I don't know......." and they say, "you gave it to the poor children didn't you?" and I say "maybe" and then feel guilty for lying because what I actually did was throw it in the trash and cover it up with paper towels.

I decided a few weeks ago that the answer to this problem does not lie in a book or even in advice from friends and family- it's going to have to come from the Lord. I started praying to know what specific strategies I can use with my children to teach them the very important values of responsibility, discipline and obedience- i.e. to clean their darn room!! Then just this morning I opened up a brand new Book of Mormon (which the missionaries gave me and asked me to give to someone I know- oh well) and started reading, highlighting and writing in the margins. I had a few interesting thoughts, an overall good feeling, but no clear "answer". Later on I decided to try something new- the boys' room was due for a clearing out and re-organizing, so I told them I was going to help them clean it, and together we would pick out anything that they didn't want to either throw away or take to Goodwill. I fully expected that they would keep almost everything, but I determined that I would keep my mouth shut and let them make the decisions themselves, just to see what they'd do. To my great surprise, after a few moments of cleaning they started putting things in the Goodwill pile- even things they sort of liked, but wanted to give to children who had less than they did. I learned that the toys they kept had meaning to them in ways I never would have imagined- they remembered who gave them which stuffed animal and for what occasion, who's hotwheels were who's, etc... The things they wanted to keep were not what I would have chosen at all. My favorites are those with the shiniest paint and cleanest fur- theirs are sometimes the happy meal toy from McDonalds (what? no, we don't eat there- I have no idea where they got those!). I watched their little fists unclench and their generosity and prudence take over as I respected their choices. They learned, I learned, it was pretty much a great afternoon culminating in a clean room and, for once, smiling faces.

I realize, of course that this may not be the end of the story, and I guess that's what I've really learned today. All this time I was looking for "answers", when what I needed was revelation. I don't know the etymology of that word, but it reminds me of unraveling- a gradual process of discovery. I hope I can remember that in the future- that when I have a question and pray about it, rather than a clear, unequivocal answer, I can expect guidance and inspiration that will lead me to the right conclusion, and help me learn all sorts of fun stuff along the way. Huh. I guess maybe there's a reason He's God.