Spring by the sea

I miss the blossoms.  Last spring I looked around and noticed that I lived in one of the most beautiful places in the universe.  Every tree and bush in our neighborhood had exploded in blooms and the air was filled with their sweet smell.  I started waking up early to run before the kids were awake.  I would silently put on my running clothes and slip out the back door into the darkness, with the purple shadows of blossoms and warm air all around me.

I think maybe that's why the spring has been such a hard time for me here.  I was one with those blossoms and that place and that time.  And though it's getting better every day, it still feels like I don't fit here.  One night Eric and I went to dinner downtown and we were seated next to a table of southerners. I miss hearing that accent.  I almost cried when I looked up and realized that they had left before I'd gotten the chance to ask them where they were from.

Nevertheless, I trudged on, through Easter and spring break.

My mom and grandmother came to town for a very quick visit, and we walked, talked, ate and shopped.  That cheered me up a little bit.

For Easter my cousin Laura and her sweet boyfriend Tom made the trip from L.A., and my brother came down from Oakland.  He's going to make us side tables for our living room.  That cheered me up some more.  My brother is freakishly talented in a wide array of things, including making gorgeous furniture.

The sister missionaries came to Easter dinner.  One of them is from Brazil, and Eric knew her as a little girl on his mission.  The other one is from Newnan, GA, which, of course, made me want to cry.  Then Marley tried on her name tag, and I felt a little better.  That girl is going to make an incredible missionary some day.

The kids and I lived at the Boardwalk over spring break.  Eleanor rode her first roller coaster and took it like a pro (of course).  I rode the scariest ride- the Fireball, and was just so happy to make it off alive that I temporarily didn't care where I lived.

We ate a lot of fried things.

I look at these pictures now and realized that we really had fun.  There aren't a lot of things in life that are fun for a 2-, 4-, 9-, 11- and 32-year-old all at the same time.  

I bought some beach chairs at Costco since, you know, we live at the beach.  We should probably have our own beach chairs. 

And then a strange thing happened last weekend.  I fell in love with a house, and we made an offer on it.  We were driving along, and saw a sign and decided to stop in just for fun.  It was the first time I've ever walked into a house and been able to easily envision spending the rest of my life it.  Poor Eric went after that house like water in the dessert, knowing how happy it would make me, and wanting so badly for me to be happy here.  Unfortunately, half the town fell in love with it too and we didn't get it in the end.  But something about that house snapped me out of my fog.

For a brief moment, I could see my future here.  Not my past, never my past....but my future.  That's something.